day 12

today is thursday. today was meant to be pay day. today my bank account is still empty. today i am pissed off.

i was in love once. i got butterflies when he logged onto facebook. i got smiley when he commented on my statuses. i thought about him all the time, when i would wake up in the morning, when i sat at my desk, when i ate my lunch, when i went to sleep at night. he was always on my mind.

i remember the first time i saw him. i was taken aback by his good looks and his sense of style. he was wearing his sunglasses and i thought to myself, for an older guy, he is so goddamn cute. and then i started seeing him on a daily basis for quite a while. he would always make me smile. he would 'pick on' me, which i always assumed was his way of flirting. we would talk about masterchef. we would have lunch together. we would drink wine after work. it was a perfect 'almost' relationship.

and then the day came where my heart broke in two.

my best friend and i took him out for lunch on his last day at work. we were talking about guys we liked and were asking his advice. then my best friend asked him 'are you seeing anyone at the minute?' he (we'll call him 'super hot recruiter') replied, 'you girls know i'm gay, don't you?'

my heart dropped. he was what? what did this mean? did it mean i had absolutely no chance with him... like ever? surely that couldn't be true.. i mean, he was the love of my life! i was devastated.. i was ready to leave my boyfriend and everything. i would have thrown away a very stable relationship just for a chance with him.

i still think about 'super hot recruiter' all the time. i wonder what he's doing.. i still love him, i think i always will. for now though, i must continue on rebuilding my life to the way it was before him.

i'll be okay, don't you worry about me, readers.

xx

this entry is dedicated to 'super hot recruiter'. thank you for specifically asking me to write a blog about (i quote) "your unrequited love for an older hot gay man who doesn't know you exist". :)