day 5

today is wednesday. i'm semi okay with wednesdays.

i had a dilemma last night. it wasn't your usual oh no, we've run out of milk dilemma. no, it was a big one. something i had to deal with for almost an hour. a full on hour. i don't think i've ever thought of the same thing for so long before.. but it was pressing on my mind and i had to deal with it then and there. the horrible thing was, i didn't know how to deal with it. what should i have done? talk myself out of it, tell myself i'm being silly, get up and go for a jog? i had no idea what to do.. so i kept thinking.

i bet you're wondering what this so called 'dilemma' was. it's not easy for me to write this on the world wide web, so please understand the sensitivity related to this issue.

i was sitting outside having a smoke last night and a glass of coke and i let out a really big burp.. and i giggled. it was at that moment that a thought came to me. i should've been a boy. it's true. i should have been. and here's why:

• when my boyfriend farts and expects a high five.. i say no and look at him with complete and utter disgust but the whole time i'm thinking i could've done better than that.
• i often find myself staring at my boobs in the mirror. not because i like them, but because i love them.
• when i was younger and all of my friends wanted to be fairy princesses when they grew up - i agreed. secretly though, i was thinking how lame they all were and how cool i was going to be when i grew up to be a race car driver.
• you know that face your boyfriend gets when you tell him you've got your period? that oh my god, that's disgusting look? yeah, well when i find out, mine's about ten times worse.
• i'll admit it, i could happily go without showering for two or three days and just lounge around my house with my trackies on, a slab of beer and some microwavable meals. 
• when i'm walking around the house or the street and i see something circular and hollow, i often think to myself you know, jaye, if you had a penis you could stick it in there.
• i like football. and i think champagne sucks. 
• i'll eat a whole pizza and feel good about it. the last thing i think about is calories and putting on weight. even if i do put on weight.. i'll just get bigger pants. problem solved.

as you can see from the above.. i was getting slightly concerned. what did all this mean? should i get a sex change? if i was a guy, would i be gay? when will dinner be ready? all these important questions were going through my head at a rapid speed and i didn't know if anything would ever calm me down..

and then neighbours started on the tv and instantly i remembered why i loved being a chic.

xx